You’ve put into words something that was floating just out of reach. The fear is so obvious once named, yet an overarching command in the Bible is ‘Fear Not’. Sobering.
It’s so difficult, isn’t it? Both to heal from habitual fear and to step outside the narrative that continues to reinforce panic. 😞 Thanks for your words.
As a liberal Episcopalian and outsider to the evangelical community, I found this piece to be one of the best explanations I have ever read of the reasons for the constant outrage against seemingly invented enemies by evangelicals that I find so inexplicable. I too watched the whole opening ceremonies and thought it was brilliant (and very French). I also chuckled at the ménage a trois and gasped a bit at the Marie Antoinette heads but thought it was a provocative way of acknowledging dark parts of French history in a way we never would. I didn’t even notice the so called Last Supper tableau, provably because I was bored by the fashion show (which apparently was a “drag show”?) that surrounded it. So, I was quite flummoxed by all the outrage.
Gordon, thank you so much for your input. I experienced it much like you did - brilliant and very French. 😉 I’m so glad the essay helped lay out some context for why we are the way we are. The invented enemies are never ending. I can remember even back in childhood, my church family had us up in arms, boycotting one thing or another all the time. What wasted energy and embarrassment for representatives of Love itself!
brilliantly disgusting is my opinion we’re entitled to our opinions, I see yours, but in strong, disagreement. In the beginning, God created male and female that’s it !
he didn’t make any mistakes, human rebellious sinful nature, is what makes the mistake .
when we come to him, he can bring us into healthy, righteous choices some of us kicking and screaming, and some of us say ( humbly say Lord have your way….the humble heart is exalted by God. This was a mockery of His love for us prior to His death and resurrection.
Dear Sandra, I respect your beliefs and what I'm about to say does not put down or question your beliefs. I have a friend who believed as you do that the opening ceremony was a mockery of Christian beliefs/The Last Supper. We began talking and I said I understand how she thought that. Because we interpret things through what we know and if you only know Christianity very well, then that reminded you of the Last Supper. BUT, if you were equally knowledgeable about the Greek Gods and/or Greek myths you would have seen the resemblance to the Greek God Dionysus, who is the god of wine and pleasure. That's why he was a purple color, had flowers/grape vines around his neck and was scantily clad. My friend said "Well, what does this pagan god have to do with the Olympics anyway?" And I explained the Olympics started in Greece and the Greek Gods who the Greeks worshipped at that time lived on Mount Olympus. That's how the Olympics got its name, from Mt Olympus in Greece where they thought the gods lived. Watching the opening ceremonies I immediately put together it was about Greek Gods. Because that is what I am familiar with. (I study ancient religions as a hobby) If you are only familiar with monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, then the only thing you had to draw on was what you knew, which was the Last Supper. But the designer of that ceremony was in no way making fun of Jesus or Christianity. He was connecting the Olympics to it's beginning when people still worshipped the pagan Gods on Mt Olympus: Zeus, Apollo, Poseidon, Venus, etc. I hope this explanation (which you have very patiently read) has helped you see no ill will was meant to Christianity in any way.
This writer is no faith believer of any sort and can't ever have been. What church preaches to be afraid and fearful. None I know of. But then I'm British in UK it's different here. I don't recognize any of the twaddle this man is spouting. If he lives by FEAR that's only his problem. And life in Paris is no different to anywhere else,so that's a lot of claptrap too.
Christianity is never about fear. It's about compassion, forgiveness, tolerance. All within reason of course, as Christ also overturned tables of commerce in a place of worship, ie. an attitude of disrespect to sanctity should not be tolerated.
What would it take for you to be non-flummoxed & legitimately shocked? Does pedophilia bother you. Maybe not, as a life-long Democrat, I suppose. I imagine you also celebrate trans men beating up on women Olympics participants.
I think most people are legitimately shocked at things that are illegal. The two things you’re bringing up here are not in any way related to the Christian gospel. The boxer wasn’t trans, she is intersex, and learning the nuance matters. She carries imago dei, and reflects the glory of the creator just as you do. Peace to you.
“It was the word need that struck me. The immense pressure of obedience, ever undefinable, can’t be overstated. There is a constant messaging: if you don’t do these things, where “these” is a list of rules both explicit and implied, God is not pleased/God is angry/God is disappointed/God will condemn you in the afterlife.”
Growing up in the evangelical church, I felt this pressure all the time. It wasn’t until my thirties when I was diagnosed with OCD that I realized that this need and my constant need to determine if I was being obedient was actually a compulsion in my moral scrupulosity OCD. I’m in recovery now and that level of pressure and fear feels so foreign to me. I’m grateful for a diagnosis, but feel anger that it took so long to be diagnosed because the culture I was in reinforced and often required my obsessive devotion.
Aly, what a relatable comment. Um, I didn’t know there was a version of OCD that encompassed religious/moral compulsion. Certainly some years ago, I could have been diagnosable as well. I mean, we were literally trained to be obsessive about prayer, repentance, obedience…I clung to verses that referred to zeal and fervor. It was the ENTIRE CULTURE. So yes there is so much room there for sorrow and anger, and deep grief. I’m so sorry and I feel you. You’re not alone.
Yes! In religious/moral OCD, compulsions can include excessive prayer, mental checking, thought neutralizing, reviewing memories to make sure you didn’t sin, etc. I was plagued by the verse about knowing the good you ought to do, but not doing it being a sin. I could have evangelized to the stranger at the grocery store but I didn’t —sin! I could have said a kind thing to my brother, but was mean instead—sin! Every moment and decision felt like a test to be obedient to God’s will and I lived in a shroud of constant shame and failure. My worst fear was being a lukewarm Christian, which as you wrote, was just baked into the culture.
This is exactly what I came here to write a comment about. Immediately it was like 'yep, I know what that's like'. I'm sending you so, so much love. Sometimes it feels almost impossible to overcome.
It is sad that some believers in Christ do not realize their words convey their own fears. But that’s where they’re at praying for them to be moved to the next revelation of how perfect and loving God is. Scripture says His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
How much do we take seriously the word of God? All is truth and all His love is in the Holy Bible Lord help us send out his living examples of love, compassion, and patience.
YESYESYESYESYES! Spot on… this put into words the essence of growing up in the evangelical church in America for me. So much fear. So much “is this right? Am I in trouble if I don’t get it right?“ So much guilt… I didn’t want to witness. I didn’t want to try and talk people into Christianity, even though I believed in it myself. It felt embarrassing and awkward and… bullying, somehow.
I love your analogy of regarding the evangelical church as a house you used to live in. It’s a perfect way to describe how it feels when you leave something like that behind. While I was reading this, I was thinking of so many people among my family and friends who are still living in that house and are still in that state of hyper-vigilance. That house where everyone said that God is love, but love had nothing to do with how we regarded him. God our Father said we were free from sin, but it didn’t feel like freedom. Father said he loved us, but it was always conditional.
I’m grateful to that friend of mine in my mid-20s who talked so knowledgeably and for so long about all of the places where demonic influence and Satan were out to get us. And how frightened I was, until a spark in my head said “what, I’m supposed to live in this state of hypervigilance every moment of every hour of every day for the rest of my life?!“ And I knew that I absolutely could not. That was the beginning of slowly waking up.
What a great story Susan. I’m so glad your spirit sensed the red flags in that way of living. It’s not sustainable emotionally. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
This is absolutely brilliant. I didn’t grow up evangelical, but I did spend close to a decade, attending evangelical churches, and the level of fear was something I had never encountered before. It made me say and do things that don’t even make sense to me looking back. I’ve also seen so many of my friends who grew up in evangelical families, still struggle with that constant sense of dread and fear, even though they’ve left that theology behind consciously. You just so perfectly captured how the pastors and the institutions keep the people in a constant state of fight or flight with completely dysregulated nervous systems.
Thank you Kristen. And yes yes, the dread is so prevalent no one seems to be aware of it, much less question if that is a healthy way to live. I think the fear and dread coupled with the constant spiritual bypassing of most negative emotions can be psychologically abusive.
First John 4:18 declares, “ perfect love, cast out all fear”. There is no dread when a heart is set on God’s love and knowing his love and showing it to others.
Oh this is perfect! Years ago I heard the term 'wretched urgency' to describe this fear that we must constantly be working to save the souls of the whole world and it has stuck with me. It is so hard to unpack and unlearn when you've been steeped in that. I still have moments of panic and fear...what if I'm wrong and God IS that vengeful stormcloud? Right now I'm holding on to love and trusting that if I am wrong, at least I will go to my grave having done my best to increase wholeness in the world. If the God that exists is not okay with that, then I am okay not being on the side of that God.
I am still recovering from the religious trauma perpetrated by the evangelical church, on top of the emotionally abusive marriage I was in. Your words capture perfectly what I have lived through. I am working to heal from an anxiety disorder that comes from being spiritually hypervigilant. I have been 20 years out of the church and I still suffer the repercussions. Thank you for writing this.
Oh gosh, Beth, that is a lot. I’m so sorry. Sounds like we have similar stories. You may connect with my stuff on Instagram where I share a lot about emotionally abusive marriage and divorce. Thank you for being here. You’re not alone. 🫶🏼
Thanks for this--it really resonated with me. I spent some years in the evangelical church, and it has taken time and therapy to unclench myself. I'm pretty sure that's why I have fibromyalgia (though I'm doing much better now!). I got to go to France a few years ago to stay with friend and his mom, and it was life-changing, just immersing myself in a culture that enjoys food and experiences life in a different way.
Isn’t France incredible!? Agreed. And “unclench” is fitting. I’m sorry your body has suffered. She is telling you the truth. She wanted to let you know how bad it really was. I’m grateful you’re healing!
Well where I live must be similar to France then and Paris in particular,in fact it is so all this oh I went to Paris and it was so liberating and I could eat fresh uncontaminated food,and drink good wine and have lots of destigmatized, uncensured sex,oh it was a revelation,what ,isn't that just normal life. You poor USA bastards. But then you vote for it.
Thank you, Leslie. I chanced upon your post and found it very enlightening. It helped me understand how people can stray so far from the teachings of Jesus and yet still feel entitled to call themselves “Christians”. I have noticed that their biblical quotes come primarily from the Old Testament — the structure of religious laws that Jesus preached against — rather than from the core three Books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke that best represent the actual teachings of Jesus. Even though these Books have been filtered through the personal beliefs of the original recorders and subsequent translators, enough remains to convey how love for others, to love God in all God’s creations, is the primary message. It seems like a wilful misunderstanding by fundamentalist leaders to include only the people within their own community in their umbrella. I didn’t understand before I read your post how the nurture and manipulation of people’s fearful anxiety plays such a pivotal role in fostering the blind, unquestioning obedience that feeds this exclusion.
What you describe does align with the findings of two study conclusions I read a few years ago. I wish I could provide you with a traceable citation, but I am retired now and tend to remember the content more than the resource. :) One study showed higher levels of anxiety in people who identified as conservative. I believe it was in a separate study that other researchers found that children born of mothers who were highly anxious pre-birth are more likely to display anxious behaviour from a very early age. The observation was that such debilitating, counter-productive anxiety may be a physiological rather than a learned response, turned on in the uterus. I certainly recognize this behaviour in friends who were born during wartime attacks on civilians. Everything unknown or unexpected, large or small, induces unmanageable levels of anxiety in them.
All this increases my admiration for your courage and for how you turned your life around and learned to manage your anxiety. The comments on your post, ranging from those in agreement based on their lived experience to the invidious judgements pronounced by others, proves the truth of your story. You are a loving and strong person who is blessed in your new life.
Rosalind, it took me all day to craft a thoughtful reply because your comment meant a lot to me, particularly the last paragraph. The word I felt was ‘mothered,’ and I was surprised that was what came to mind. So thank you for your kindness. I’m also grateful you shared those two studies. They make so much sense, don’t they? I really think in years to come, social science will have far better understanding into how high-control religion and its trickle-down effect has harmed large populations of people, the institution of marriage, and families on the whole. It’s just not sustainable to successfully run anything on fear. Thanks for your input.
Having been in the Christian church and now moved beyond, I totally relate to and agree with everything you've written here. Also the ancient Olympics were a huge religious festival with a lavish banquet of food and wine - dedicated to Zeus and the gods and goddesses of Olympus, including Dionysus/Bacchus (the man in blue) - who was god of wine among other things (and wine is obviously important to France)- so that scene which people are saying was the Last Supper, was not that at all. It was honouring the ancient roots of the games. Seems appropriate to me.
I tend to agree. When I think of how to best love my neighbor, it includes effort to understand them in context. That’s one issue I take with the outrage — it completely ignored and then continued to reject context once it was revealed what the intention was. Thanks for your input. :)
Yes. I have often pondered at the fear and mind-trap thinking some Christian messages hold. "You'll go to hell - but don't worry, we (the church) have the solution." They plant a threat and then offer the supposed safety, keeping people stuck in their circles...leaving the believers feeling safer for themselves in some ways but now afraid to leave and fearful for others. It's a sad and troubling way of thinking. I hadn't fully considered how this leads to the reactivity and outrage as you've explored here. Thanks for that.
Thanks for your thoughts here. Yes, my last essay on how the term “broken” doesn’t serve us kinda touches on what you’re saying. It’s convenient to name people broken when you feel you are the only ones with the glue. Yikes.
Yes, true. It's similar with the idea of 'original sin'... I much prefer Matthew Fox's notion of each of us as an 'original blessing.' Reframing these things can bring healing, instead of creating the hurt in the first place and then promising the 'medicine.'
I totally understand as this has been quietly looping in mine.
Since I didn't enjoy the Olympic Opening Ceremony at all, it is still a relief for my soul to read part of my story shared in your writing.
If fear and shame prevail then dysfunction will reign. A dysfunctional mind is never able to embrace the freedom and love that God provides.
“Renew your minds”, He commands.
Where renewing implied powerful streams of pain, the non-negotiable need to remember and accept reality, to leave or let go, to witness with despair how my idols were being destroyed and the imperative but merciful act of renouncing to my old and familiar ways.
Leaving myself blinded, exhausted and empty-handed. Empty but open, surrendered, damaged enough to accept to be healed and to encounter myself immersed in His everlasting Grace.
Your words have touched my heart so deeply. Thank you for sharing this. I was in an abusive marriage and sought help from God and leaned on my church to find the strength to leave… only to find that so much of what I thought was love, in both cases, was manipulation.
“I Can’t stop grieving…” describes so clearly what I felt when I realized that the husband, home, church, and country that I loved so much were all working to instill a feeling of fear in order to maintain power. As I start to see hate spewed in the name of God, for what it is… I grieve. As I talk to friends who I thought were full of love and acceptance, I realize the hidden bigotry and judgement… and I grieve. As I live in a country that boasted independence, freedom, and hope at its origin only to realize that our history is so full of hate that it’s busting at the seams and oozing onto everything while our rights are being stripped of us by the people who are supposed to defend them… I grieve.
Even though I’m grateful to begin to feel free and to learn what real love looks like, I grieve the loss of what I thought were my safe places. This helps me feel less alone in and I’m grateful for that. 💜
Others have said it, but I’ll say it again…Leslie, YOU NAILED IT. Wow, this is so insightful and true. Thank you for putting words to my experience and the experience of so many others. I appreciate, also, how you found empathy for the untold numbers of those who are still trapped in fear-based religious beliefs. There, but for the grace of God, go we.
I was raised Catholic...the fear of hell eternal is powerful and debilitating. I found the contradictory teachings soul splitting. Living without a moral compass was not the way either - it took time to find balance on my own. I've found peace in my personal relationship with God. No middle man needed. No church, priest, or book needed to tell my heart what is right for me and what is real love.
You’ve put into words something that was floating just out of reach. The fear is so obvious once named, yet an overarching command in the Bible is ‘Fear Not’. Sobering.
It’s so difficult, isn’t it? Both to heal from habitual fear and to step outside the narrative that continues to reinforce panic. 😞 Thanks for your words.
As a liberal Episcopalian and outsider to the evangelical community, I found this piece to be one of the best explanations I have ever read of the reasons for the constant outrage against seemingly invented enemies by evangelicals that I find so inexplicable. I too watched the whole opening ceremonies and thought it was brilliant (and very French). I also chuckled at the ménage a trois and gasped a bit at the Marie Antoinette heads but thought it was a provocative way of acknowledging dark parts of French history in a way we never would. I didn’t even notice the so called Last Supper tableau, provably because I was bored by the fashion show (which apparently was a “drag show”?) that surrounded it. So, I was quite flummoxed by all the outrage.
Gordon, thank you so much for your input. I experienced it much like you did - brilliant and very French. 😉 I’m so glad the essay helped lay out some context for why we are the way we are. The invented enemies are never ending. I can remember even back in childhood, my church family had us up in arms, boycotting one thing or another all the time. What wasted energy and embarrassment for representatives of Love itself!
Is Jesus Christ, your Lord and Savior???
brilliantly disgusting is my opinion we’re entitled to our opinions, I see yours, but in strong, disagreement. In the beginning, God created male and female that’s it !
he didn’t make any mistakes, human rebellious sinful nature, is what makes the mistake .
when we come to him, he can bring us into healthy, righteous choices some of us kicking and screaming, and some of us say ( humbly say Lord have your way….the humble heart is exalted by God. This was a mockery of His love for us prior to His death and resurrection.
Dear Sandra, I respect your beliefs and what I'm about to say does not put down or question your beliefs. I have a friend who believed as you do that the opening ceremony was a mockery of Christian beliefs/The Last Supper. We began talking and I said I understand how she thought that. Because we interpret things through what we know and if you only know Christianity very well, then that reminded you of the Last Supper. BUT, if you were equally knowledgeable about the Greek Gods and/or Greek myths you would have seen the resemblance to the Greek God Dionysus, who is the god of wine and pleasure. That's why he was a purple color, had flowers/grape vines around his neck and was scantily clad. My friend said "Well, what does this pagan god have to do with the Olympics anyway?" And I explained the Olympics started in Greece and the Greek Gods who the Greeks worshipped at that time lived on Mount Olympus. That's how the Olympics got its name, from Mt Olympus in Greece where they thought the gods lived. Watching the opening ceremonies I immediately put together it was about Greek Gods. Because that is what I am familiar with. (I study ancient religions as a hobby) If you are only familiar with monotheistic religions: Judaism, Christianity, and Islam, then the only thing you had to draw on was what you knew, which was the Last Supper. But the designer of that ceremony was in no way making fun of Jesus or Christianity. He was connecting the Olympics to it's beginning when people still worshipped the pagan Gods on Mt Olympus: Zeus, Apollo, Poseidon, Venus, etc. I hope this explanation (which you have very patiently read) has helped you see no ill will was meant to Christianity in any way.
This writer is no faith believer of any sort and can't ever have been. What church preaches to be afraid and fearful. None I know of. But then I'm British in UK it's different here. I don't recognize any of the twaddle this man is spouting. If he lives by FEAR that's only his problem. And life in Paris is no different to anywhere else,so that's a lot of claptrap too.
Christianity is never about fear. It's about compassion, forgiveness, tolerance. All within reason of course, as Christ also overturned tables of commerce in a place of worship, ie. an attitude of disrespect to sanctity should not be tolerated.
What would it take for you to be non-flummoxed & legitimately shocked? Does pedophilia bother you. Maybe not, as a life-long Democrat, I suppose. I imagine you also celebrate trans men beating up on women Olympics participants.
I think most people are legitimately shocked at things that are illegal. The two things you’re bringing up here are not in any way related to the Christian gospel. The boxer wasn’t trans, she is intersex, and learning the nuance matters. She carries imago dei, and reflects the glory of the creator just as you do. Peace to you.
Thank you. My reply was to Gordon's comment, who seemed to minimize what the female Olympics participants experienced.
“It was the word need that struck me. The immense pressure of obedience, ever undefinable, can’t be overstated. There is a constant messaging: if you don’t do these things, where “these” is a list of rules both explicit and implied, God is not pleased/God is angry/God is disappointed/God will condemn you in the afterlife.”
Growing up in the evangelical church, I felt this pressure all the time. It wasn’t until my thirties when I was diagnosed with OCD that I realized that this need and my constant need to determine if I was being obedient was actually a compulsion in my moral scrupulosity OCD. I’m in recovery now and that level of pressure and fear feels so foreign to me. I’m grateful for a diagnosis, but feel anger that it took so long to be diagnosed because the culture I was in reinforced and often required my obsessive devotion.
Aly, what a relatable comment. Um, I didn’t know there was a version of OCD that encompassed religious/moral compulsion. Certainly some years ago, I could have been diagnosable as well. I mean, we were literally trained to be obsessive about prayer, repentance, obedience…I clung to verses that referred to zeal and fervor. It was the ENTIRE CULTURE. So yes there is so much room there for sorrow and anger, and deep grief. I’m so sorry and I feel you. You’re not alone.
Yes! In religious/moral OCD, compulsions can include excessive prayer, mental checking, thought neutralizing, reviewing memories to make sure you didn’t sin, etc. I was plagued by the verse about knowing the good you ought to do, but not doing it being a sin. I could have evangelized to the stranger at the grocery store but I didn’t —sin! I could have said a kind thing to my brother, but was mean instead—sin! Every moment and decision felt like a test to be obedient to God’s will and I lived in a shroud of constant shame and failure. My worst fear was being a lukewarm Christian, which as you wrote, was just baked into the culture.
Here is more information about religious or moral OCD from the International OCD Foundation: https://iocdf.org/faith-ocd/what-is-ocd-scrupulosity/
And I shared my own journey here: https://iocdf.org/blog/2023/04/28/what-if-its-not-god-finding-freedom-from-scrupulosity/
This is exactly what I came here to write a comment about. Immediately it was like 'yep, I know what that's like'. I'm sending you so, so much love. Sometimes it feels almost impossible to overcome.
It is sad that some believers in Christ do not realize their words convey their own fears. But that’s where they’re at praying for them to be moved to the next revelation of how perfect and loving God is. Scripture says His yoke is easy and his burden is light.
How much do we take seriously the word of God? All is truth and all His love is in the Holy Bible Lord help us send out his living examples of love, compassion, and patience.
YESYESYESYESYES! Spot on… this put into words the essence of growing up in the evangelical church in America for me. So much fear. So much “is this right? Am I in trouble if I don’t get it right?“ So much guilt… I didn’t want to witness. I didn’t want to try and talk people into Christianity, even though I believed in it myself. It felt embarrassing and awkward and… bullying, somehow.
I love your analogy of regarding the evangelical church as a house you used to live in. It’s a perfect way to describe how it feels when you leave something like that behind. While I was reading this, I was thinking of so many people among my family and friends who are still living in that house and are still in that state of hyper-vigilance. That house where everyone said that God is love, but love had nothing to do with how we regarded him. God our Father said we were free from sin, but it didn’t feel like freedom. Father said he loved us, but it was always conditional.
I’m grateful to that friend of mine in my mid-20s who talked so knowledgeably and for so long about all of the places where demonic influence and Satan were out to get us. And how frightened I was, until a spark in my head said “what, I’m supposed to live in this state of hypervigilance every moment of every hour of every day for the rest of my life?!“ And I knew that I absolutely could not. That was the beginning of slowly waking up.
Thank you for writing this out.
What a great story Susan. I’m so glad your spirit sensed the red flags in that way of living. It’s not sustainable emotionally. Thanks for your thoughtful comment.
This is absolutely brilliant. I didn’t grow up evangelical, but I did spend close to a decade, attending evangelical churches, and the level of fear was something I had never encountered before. It made me say and do things that don’t even make sense to me looking back. I’ve also seen so many of my friends who grew up in evangelical families, still struggle with that constant sense of dread and fear, even though they’ve left that theology behind consciously. You just so perfectly captured how the pastors and the institutions keep the people in a constant state of fight or flight with completely dysregulated nervous systems.
Thank you Kristen. And yes yes, the dread is so prevalent no one seems to be aware of it, much less question if that is a healthy way to live. I think the fear and dread coupled with the constant spiritual bypassing of most negative emotions can be psychologically abusive.
Absolutely abusive
First John 4:18 declares, “ perfect love, cast out all fear”. There is no dread when a heart is set on God’s love and knowing his love and showing it to others.
KNOWING HIS LOVE. When I met God and surrendered, I was free from fear. I only care about pleasing him. I obey because I love Him with my whole being.
Oh this is perfect! Years ago I heard the term 'wretched urgency' to describe this fear that we must constantly be working to save the souls of the whole world and it has stuck with me. It is so hard to unpack and unlearn when you've been steeped in that. I still have moments of panic and fear...what if I'm wrong and God IS that vengeful stormcloud? Right now I'm holding on to love and trusting that if I am wrong, at least I will go to my grave having done my best to increase wholeness in the world. If the God that exists is not okay with that, then I am okay not being on the side of that God.
Thank you for this vulnerability, Rea. You are not alone in this wrestling. ❤️
This is exactly it. You nailed this observation. Thanks for taking the time to write this, friend.
Wow thanks friend. I know the topic is getting tiresome, but these thoughts were really pricking at my heart.
You framed it from an essential angle that too often gets missed
I am still recovering from the religious trauma perpetrated by the evangelical church, on top of the emotionally abusive marriage I was in. Your words capture perfectly what I have lived through. I am working to heal from an anxiety disorder that comes from being spiritually hypervigilant. I have been 20 years out of the church and I still suffer the repercussions. Thank you for writing this.
Oh gosh, Beth, that is a lot. I’m so sorry. Sounds like we have similar stories. You may connect with my stuff on Instagram where I share a lot about emotionally abusive marriage and divorce. Thank you for being here. You’re not alone. 🫶🏼
Thank you, Leslie. 🙏🏻
Thanks for this--it really resonated with me. I spent some years in the evangelical church, and it has taken time and therapy to unclench myself. I'm pretty sure that's why I have fibromyalgia (though I'm doing much better now!). I got to go to France a few years ago to stay with friend and his mom, and it was life-changing, just immersing myself in a culture that enjoys food and experiences life in a different way.
Isn’t France incredible!? Agreed. And “unclench” is fitting. I’m sorry your body has suffered. She is telling you the truth. She wanted to let you know how bad it really was. I’m grateful you’re healing!
Agreed. Unclench describes it perfectly.
Well where I live must be similar to France then and Paris in particular,in fact it is so all this oh I went to Paris and it was so liberating and I could eat fresh uncontaminated food,and drink good wine and have lots of destigmatized, uncensured sex,oh it was a revelation,what ,isn't that just normal life. You poor USA bastards. But then you vote for it.
Thank you, Leslie. I chanced upon your post and found it very enlightening. It helped me understand how people can stray so far from the teachings of Jesus and yet still feel entitled to call themselves “Christians”. I have noticed that their biblical quotes come primarily from the Old Testament — the structure of religious laws that Jesus preached against — rather than from the core three Books of Matthew, Mark, and Luke that best represent the actual teachings of Jesus. Even though these Books have been filtered through the personal beliefs of the original recorders and subsequent translators, enough remains to convey how love for others, to love God in all God’s creations, is the primary message. It seems like a wilful misunderstanding by fundamentalist leaders to include only the people within their own community in their umbrella. I didn’t understand before I read your post how the nurture and manipulation of people’s fearful anxiety plays such a pivotal role in fostering the blind, unquestioning obedience that feeds this exclusion.
What you describe does align with the findings of two study conclusions I read a few years ago. I wish I could provide you with a traceable citation, but I am retired now and tend to remember the content more than the resource. :) One study showed higher levels of anxiety in people who identified as conservative. I believe it was in a separate study that other researchers found that children born of mothers who were highly anxious pre-birth are more likely to display anxious behaviour from a very early age. The observation was that such debilitating, counter-productive anxiety may be a physiological rather than a learned response, turned on in the uterus. I certainly recognize this behaviour in friends who were born during wartime attacks on civilians. Everything unknown or unexpected, large or small, induces unmanageable levels of anxiety in them.
All this increases my admiration for your courage and for how you turned your life around and learned to manage your anxiety. The comments on your post, ranging from those in agreement based on their lived experience to the invidious judgements pronounced by others, proves the truth of your story. You are a loving and strong person who is blessed in your new life.
Rosalind, it took me all day to craft a thoughtful reply because your comment meant a lot to me, particularly the last paragraph. The word I felt was ‘mothered,’ and I was surprised that was what came to mind. So thank you for your kindness. I’m also grateful you shared those two studies. They make so much sense, don’t they? I really think in years to come, social science will have far better understanding into how high-control religion and its trickle-down effect has harmed large populations of people, the institution of marriage, and families on the whole. It’s just not sustainable to successfully run anything on fear. Thanks for your input.
It took me a while to write the response you deserve. You are most welcome.
Having been in the Christian church and now moved beyond, I totally relate to and agree with everything you've written here. Also the ancient Olympics were a huge religious festival with a lavish banquet of food and wine - dedicated to Zeus and the gods and goddesses of Olympus, including Dionysus/Bacchus (the man in blue) - who was god of wine among other things (and wine is obviously important to France)- so that scene which people are saying was the Last Supper, was not that at all. It was honouring the ancient roots of the games. Seems appropriate to me.
I tend to agree. When I think of how to best love my neighbor, it includes effort to understand them in context. That’s one issue I take with the outrage — it completely ignored and then continued to reject context once it was revealed what the intention was. Thanks for your input. :)
Yes. I have often pondered at the fear and mind-trap thinking some Christian messages hold. "You'll go to hell - but don't worry, we (the church) have the solution." They plant a threat and then offer the supposed safety, keeping people stuck in their circles...leaving the believers feeling safer for themselves in some ways but now afraid to leave and fearful for others. It's a sad and troubling way of thinking. I hadn't fully considered how this leads to the reactivity and outrage as you've explored here. Thanks for that.
Thanks for your thoughts here. Yes, my last essay on how the term “broken” doesn’t serve us kinda touches on what you’re saying. It’s convenient to name people broken when you feel you are the only ones with the glue. Yikes.
Yes, true. It's similar with the idea of 'original sin'... I much prefer Matthew Fox's notion of each of us as an 'original blessing.' Reframing these things can bring healing, instead of creating the hurt in the first place and then promising the 'medicine.'
👏🏼👏🏼 right. Let’s start with goodness.
Exactly!
Love it!
Thank you for writing this.
You’re welcome. It was the kind of thing I had to write because of the way it was on loop in my brain. 😅
I totally understand as this has been quietly looping in mine.
Since I didn't enjoy the Olympic Opening Ceremony at all, it is still a relief for my soul to read part of my story shared in your writing.
If fear and shame prevail then dysfunction will reign. A dysfunctional mind is never able to embrace the freedom and love that God provides.
“Renew your minds”, He commands.
Where renewing implied powerful streams of pain, the non-negotiable need to remember and accept reality, to leave or let go, to witness with despair how my idols were being destroyed and the imperative but merciful act of renouncing to my old and familiar ways.
Leaving myself blinded, exhausted and empty-handed. Empty but open, surrendered, damaged enough to accept to be healed and to encounter myself immersed in His everlasting Grace.
Against all evangelical odds.
Thank you, again.
Thank you for sharing your heart here Tabatha. You are the Beloved. ❤️
Your words have touched my heart so deeply. Thank you for sharing this. I was in an abusive marriage and sought help from God and leaned on my church to find the strength to leave… only to find that so much of what I thought was love, in both cases, was manipulation.
“I Can’t stop grieving…” describes so clearly what I felt when I realized that the husband, home, church, and country that I loved so much were all working to instill a feeling of fear in order to maintain power. As I start to see hate spewed in the name of God, for what it is… I grieve. As I talk to friends who I thought were full of love and acceptance, I realize the hidden bigotry and judgement… and I grieve. As I live in a country that boasted independence, freedom, and hope at its origin only to realize that our history is so full of hate that it’s busting at the seams and oozing onto everything while our rights are being stripped of us by the people who are supposed to defend them… I grieve.
Even though I’m grateful to begin to feel free and to learn what real love looks like, I grieve the loss of what I thought were my safe places. This helps me feel less alone in and I’m grateful for that. 💜
I resonate with all you’ve said here, friend. Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me. It sounds a lot like mine. 🫶🏼
Others have said it, but I’ll say it again…Leslie, YOU NAILED IT. Wow, this is so insightful and true. Thank you for putting words to my experience and the experience of so many others. I appreciate, also, how you found empathy for the untold numbers of those who are still trapped in fear-based religious beliefs. There, but for the grace of God, go we.
Thank you Dawn. I’m glad it resonated with you. And yes that verse. 🥂
Thanks for sharing your story.
I was raised Catholic...the fear of hell eternal is powerful and debilitating. I found the contradictory teachings soul splitting. Living without a moral compass was not the way either - it took time to find balance on my own. I've found peace in my personal relationship with God. No middle man needed. No church, priest, or book needed to tell my heart what is right for me and what is real love.
Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with me. I’m so glad you’ve found some peace in the middle. Me too. I hear you friend. ❤️